ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize