hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
