he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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