my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
