She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
