I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
