i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
