get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
