this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
