So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
