need another drink. this is the easiest way
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize