Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
