and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
