i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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