420 ftw
I cockslap morals
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize