i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
