omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
