Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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