question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
