So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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