i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
