Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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