Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
