I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
