One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
