so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
