my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
