Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
