I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize