we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
