Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
