If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
