u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
