Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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