I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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