Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
