I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
