what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
