Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize