brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I could fuck to npr.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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