I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i think my cat just said my name.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize