Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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