did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
