Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
