I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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