Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
