i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
