im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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