Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize