that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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