U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
