i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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