Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
