there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
