yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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