first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
home. puking in laundry basket.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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