I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
