"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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