Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
