Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
