i already hear my dad disowning me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
