I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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