Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
