Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
