I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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