i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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