Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize