Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
