I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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