I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
